Look, it is terribly easy to knock Nickelback, and as it is a cold winter morning, that is exactly what I’m going to do. But the Canadian “rockers” do not make it easy for themselves.

I have to admit, I had to do a double take when the album started. The opening riff almost sounded quite cool. I had to stop to think that perhaps over the years Nickelback had pulled the greatest gag ever, and they could actually write a decent rock album. This thought quickly vanished when the vocals kicked in, sounding like a god-awful Metallica tribute band, but with the smugness that they think they are pulling it off.

The outstanding travesty of this album is the lyrics. Most horribly realised on track ‘Midnight Queen’. Chad Kroeger sings: “She’s gonna lick my pistol clean,” and whilst being the worst metaphor ever, it leaves you with a gut-wrenching image that quite frankly has ruined my week. I simply refuse to see Chad Kroeger as any kind of sex symbol! I hate to say this, but the song clearly has connotations with the awesome Guns N’ Roses track ‘Rocket Queen’. But, if you want to imitate Axel Rose, firstly, don’t, and secondly, invent a time machine to go back to 1991 when you might just get away with crassness like this.

If this was Steel Panther, it would be excusable, but Nickelback continue to take themselves seriously. ‘Here and Now’ is no joke, and definitely not a parody. And what’s worse is it will undoubtedly sell millions.

Other lowlights include: ‘Everything I Wanna Do’ full of more nauseating, unimaginative lines like: “You and me, sitting in a tree, f-u-c-k-i-n-g” , and ‘Lullaby’, which will indeed induce sleep.

The positive to this album, and I’m struggling to come up with one, is that Nickelback have stuck to ‘their’ sound. The sub-standard, chunky riffs, mixed with gravelly vocals and lyrics completely void of true emotion and honesty will probably keep fans happy. But it is so frustrating being a fan of bands and artists who are incredible, but struggle to make it, that a band like Nickelback can throw out the same trash over and over again, make millions and sell out stadiums worldwide. It is astonishing that there is a whole Wikipedia page dedicated to Nickelback’s awards and nominations. Almost as if fans are trying desperately to justify a reason for their existence.

2011 has been an awesome year for music, so I guess something like this had to crop up to balance things out a little bit. But it is an utter shame as this is mainstream rock. This is what the ‘masses’ listen to, and use as an example to compare to the rest of rock. Well here’s hoping they have the intelligence to realise this is rock at its worst, and not a paradigm of the best.

By James Watkins